Healing Reflectors

By Donna Jenson

with Kate Humphrey

From time to time, to increase our sense of belonging and worth, I invite the survivors in our TTT writing circles to spend some time separating the Wreckers from the Mirrors. Wreckers are individuals who take potshots at your spirit and psyche – they say and do things that undermine your sense of worth and value. Mirrors are individuals who reflect back to you the truth of who you are; how valuable a human being you are to this world; how happy they are to know you and have you in their life. They SEE the good in you and show it in their eyes, their tone of voice and things they say and do.

I suggest circle members could do several things in their writing:

1. Make two lists: five Wreckers and five Mirrors in their life.

2. Pick one from each list and write a dialogue between them.

3. Or focus solely on the Mirrors – writing down those things they say and do that have mirrored your value back to you.

4. Or write about what it will take to stay even more connected to the Mirrors and to keep the Wreckers off your path and away from your soul.

When I offered this exercise one survivor agreed to let me share her writing with you. It’s a powerful piece. So often people who know survivors can get stymied about what to say and do when they learn that a friend or family member is a survivor. It’s also a wonderful shout-out to survivors, showing the very specific things to look for in a Mirror. And, for all of us, isn’t it wonderful to see all the things this one survivor is receiving.

What my mirrors say and do

By Kate Humphrey

What mirrors say:

You are breaking the cycle of trauma.

You are resilient.

This too shall pass.

You are strong - physically and mentally.

You are intelligent.

You are capable.

You are a protector and caregiver.

You are a leader.

You are loved, and you love so well.

You changed my life.

You were my lifeline.

You are worthy of love and respect.

You are brave, especially in the face of conflict.

You are silly - a ray of sunshine.

You empathize so well and work hard to remove

your ego to create healthy, calm conflict resolution.

Your gut is trustworthy.

You are too precious and special to have rapists in your life.

We will not marry someone that rapes us.

We will work together with open communication to vet people better.

Cut people from your life when they abuse you.

You did not fall apart; you were torn apart.

What mirrors do:

They cry with me.

They squeeze me.

Hug me.

Physically come to me.

Feed me.

Cuddle me.

Sit with me.

Dance with me.

We can do hard things. We are goddamn cheetahs - wild and ready, free from captivity.

These powerful declarations and actions are medicine and spark healing every time they are received.

I’ll add two things to Kate’s mighty list. One thing my mirrors say whether it’s about a project I’m building or a day I pulled myself out from under the covers: “I’m so proud of you.” And one thing they do is show up!

How about yours?

Thanks for reading,

Donna